Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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