just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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