Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
