I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My vagina is officially offended.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
