I think I won the penis lottery.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
