dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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