The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
