i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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