why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
