make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
