she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
