I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
