I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize