Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
