you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize