im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
