if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
