my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
