she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Everyone says I win the strip club
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
