RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
