Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
