did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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