I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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