You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
