You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
