Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
