Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
