No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
