So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
