somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
