her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
