I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
