I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You dont lie about slip and slides
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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