We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
