she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
