I love black thongs
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
