I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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