she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
