I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Farmville is her only friend.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
