Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize