STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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