Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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