what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
