So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
