Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
