Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
