Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
