even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
