Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
