Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This house was built for laser tag.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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