Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
