i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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