You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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