i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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