you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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