five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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