We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
