he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize