i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
