Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
