I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
