Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
