did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Every concussion has its silver lining
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
