Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
