hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize