Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Green mimosas i think yes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
