i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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