There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
