I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
