am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
