This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
