And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
