By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
