he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
