your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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