In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
