she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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