ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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