sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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