you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Randomize
