I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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