She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
