So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
