Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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