Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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