i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
