this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
