shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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