It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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