I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
