I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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