I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
