So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
