We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
