wakey wakey hands off snakey
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm passing your future prison.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
