im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
