my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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