i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
