working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
