So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
