I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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