i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
