With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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