just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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