so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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