There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
