as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
