So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
