I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
