Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
